


Watch the Queen Conquer

by CatelynTsukino



Series: Crossover AUs [6]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Death Note (Anime & Manga), Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Death Note Fusion, Crack Crossover, Everybody Dies, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynTsukino/pseuds/CatelynTsukino
Summary: Instead of Maggy the Frog, Cersei finds a Death Note.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Rhaegar Targaryen
Series: Crossover AUs [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123070
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Watch the Queen Conquer

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, this is pure crack, bordering on nonsensical, made for no purpose other than self-indulgent fun. Don't question it too much, just ride with the tide...

_"The human whose name is written in this note shall die."_

She frowned at the writing on the first page of the book—or _note_ , as it called itself. Could it really be so simple to kill someone? Write their name, and they just drop dead?

Oh, but there were more instructions.

" _This note will not take effect unless the writer has the subject's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected."_

" _If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the subject's name, it will happen. "_

" _If the cause of death is not specified, the subject will simply die of a heart attack."_

" _After writing the cause of death, the details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds (400 seconds)."_

She had no idea of what 'minutes' and 'seconds' meant, although it was easy to guess they were time measurement units. A 'heart attack', though, she understood. Many old people died from it. Could a young person die from it too?

Well, the only way to find out was testing it. But how—or rather, _who_ to test this magical note with?

* * *

Her first name came on that very day.

"If my father goes to yours to propose marriage between Jaime and I, what are the chances that he will accept?"

Her blood boiled instantly. She should have known Melara was no real friend, and only hung out with her to steal her brother from her!

Taking a deep breath to calm down, she muttered, "No idea."

The stupid girl sighed dreamily. "Imagine, Cersei, we'd be good sisters! And Jaime… oh, I'd be so happy to have him as my husband!"

As soon as she found a quill, she opened the book and wrote: _Melara Hetherspoon._ Shortly after, the girl dropped dead on her way to meet her father. She hid a smile as she faked tears of grief.

* * *

Days later, when the royal party left Lannisport, she found out from her father that the king refused to offer her in marriage to Rhaegar. He did not give her an explanation; it seemed he either didn't know it himself, or disagreed so much, he didn't dare voice it.

No matter. If she had any say on it, her father would have another chance to offer her hand in marriage.

King Aerys never made it back to King's Landing, having choked on his own drink.

* * *

King Rhaegar's first betrothed was Princess Elia Martell, the very woman whose mother tried to wed her to Jaime. But she was reportedly frail of health, so finding her dead in her bed was not that much of a surprise.

His second choice, Lyanna Stark, was an adventurous lady of the same age as Cersei. She fell off her horse on her way to the capital, though.

Third time's a charm, people say, so when Cersei Lannister was chosen as the king's bride, she not only made it to King's Landing, but did not drop dead at any point of the wedding and the bedding.

* * *

Now that Cersei was Queen of Westeros, her father could offer her twin to ladies of the highest birth. Sadly, by that point, few daughters of heads of Great Houses were available, so Jaime ended up betrothed to Lysa Tully.

Jaime came to her in despair, begging for her to find a way out. They laid together—not her first time, for it had belonged to the king—and she sweet-talked him into volunteering for the Kingsguard as soon as a slot was available.

On the day after, Lysa Tully threw herself off Riverrun's highest tower. Before her death reached the realm's ears, Ser Harlan Grandison of the Kingsguard died in his sleep. Ser Jaime Lannister promptly offered himself to fill the position. Although Rhaegar hesitated to name Tywin Lannister's heir to the Kingsguard, his wife convinced him that having her twin brother to protect her was an excellent choice, and thus Jaime traded his crimson cloak for a white one.

When their father tried to take him out of it, he choked on his meal. Tyrion assuming lordship of Casterly Rock was a small price to pay to have Jaime all for herself.

* * *

When she first got pregnant, she had no idea whether the baby was the king's or her brother's. It didn't matter, for she suffered a miscarriage before reaching her fourth moon.

Her second baby was, undoubtedly, Rhaegar's, and thus named Rhaenys, after one of the conquerors. Her third pregnancy resulted in a silver-haired boy named Aegon, after the conqueror king himself.

Her fourth pregnancy ended in a particularly heavy moonblood. Rhaegar was out of the city, and she took comfort in Jaime's arms at the time.

Her fifth pregnancy was carried to term: a blonde, green-eyed girl named Visenya. However, her heart was too weak, and she died in her sleep.

Her sixth and last pregnancy led her to give birth to white-haired, green-eyed twins, Aemon and Daenerys.

* * *

When Rhaegar began to talk about prophecies, a song of ice and fire, three-headed dragons and promised princes, she knew her children were in danger.

First, it was Maester Aemon Targaryen of the Night's Watch who broke his skull after falling downstairs. He was an old blind man, so it wasn't unexpected that he'd die that way.

However, when King Rhaegar Targaryen, First of His Name, was found dead in his chambers, people demanded investigation.

Lord Commander Gerold Hightower, who never liked her, was the first to suggest that he was murdered by his wife. After Pycelle examined the king's body and declared he died of a heart attack, he hanged himself out of shame. Ser Barristan Selmy became Lord Commander in his place, and Ser Meryn Trant filled his spot.

* * *

The Greyjoy Rebellion did not last two moons, as Balon Greyjoy and his brothers all drowned.

* * *

When Viserys demanded a position in his nephew's Small Council, claiming he should have been the one to sit on that chair instead—as he was not half-lion—he drank until he fell and hit his head on a hard table.

* * *

When Robert Baratheon proposed to her, she got him drunk and took him to bed to test him. When he blurted out another woman's name, she dismissed him. When he got back to Storm's End, a month later, he too drank until he passed out and broke his skull on hard furniture.

* * *

When Varys tried to bribe her with her relationship with Jaime, he was sent to a mission in Essos, from which he never returned.

When Widower Queen Rhaella advised her to be more careful with her incestuous affair, she broke her femur and died of infection.

When Jon Arryn came to the capital and caught her and Jaime making out in a corridor, he died in his sleep in an inn on his way back to the Eyrie.

Ser Arthur Dayne once berated Jaime for breaking his vows. Three months later, he was accidentally pierced on his stomach by Ser Barristan during a friendly spar.

* * *

A pentoshi magister came to King's Landing offering three dragon eggs for sale. Her son bought them without hesitation.

After he found out a blood ritual was needed for the hatching, his trusted Hand, Jon Connington, was found dead in a male brothel. Circumstances of his death brushed aside, Aegon decided to burn him, Targaryen-style, and placed the three eggs on the pyre. It worked, and Cersei smiled.

* * *

Two years after Aegon took the crown for himself, without regents, Jaime found her note. "What is this, Cersei?", he asked her, gloriously naked. "It has the names of many dead people."

She dragged him to bed to shut him up, but, when she made the mistake of falling asleep before him, he woke her up to find out he took it to show to her son's Small Council.

Good thing she had ripped a few pages off just in case. It was with a heavy heart that she buried her twin, dead after falling down the White Sword Tower's stairs. Her note was swiftly retrieved without anyone noticing it.

* * *

When news of the undead marching beyond the Wall, she asked to go there to see the threat for herself—to _see it to believe it_ , she claimed.

With a spyglass, she caught sight of the Night King. A day later, he shattered under a random Night's Watch's man's sword.

She smiled. No one would know, but she was the new Kingslayer.

* * *

She grew bolder. Every time someone questioned her son, in whatever way, they'd die. When Aegon began to find those deaths suspicious, he got several cuts on the Iron Throne and died of excess bleeding. His brother Aemon was crowned.

When the Tyrells started to get Aemon to wed their youngest girl, the Sept of Baelor suddenly crumbled over their heads before the king could arrive for the ceremony. Unfortunately, her son, who loved the Tyrell girl very much, saw the whole thing, driving him to suicide.

Rhaenys, who had been living in Sunspear for years, was summoned for her crowning. Her carriage was attacked by bandits, and she did not survive. The crown fell on Daenerys' head.

Mourning their riders, two dragons went rogue. Not for long, though; they fought each other and fell in the Narrow Sea, drowning.

Driven by grief over his dead brothers, Daenerys' dragon went rogue while she was riding it; both fell in the ocean too.

With no other blood Targaryens to claim the throne, it fell on the one Targaryen by marriage. Cersei finally became the queen she was meant to be.

* * *

Her reign was peaceful and uncontested. Who would dare go against a queen whose oppositors were known for suddenly dropping dead?

Entire Houses would vanish in a matter of moons. All those who denied her requests would die in various manners. Everyone whispered that the Queen messed with dark magic, but no one dared say it within her earshot.

She still found out about the rumours, and those who were reported to have spread them began to die as well.

It all ended when she was fifty, when her brother Tyrion—who survived her sister's wrath by remaining quiet—visited King's Landing and hit her with a crossbow while she was in her chambers, naked after coming from her bath and beginning to write a lord's name in her book—which was exposed to the entire court, who was shocked to find names dated back when the deceased queen was ten years old.

Instead of imprisoning Tyrion, the Small Council crowned him King. His reign was peaceful and bloodless.


End file.
